Every Feeling Since My Dad Died, shortened to Every Feeling, is a series of paintings that explores the artist’s experience with grief and its psychological effects. The time frame of the series dates back a year prior to her father’s passing, to approximately one year post mortem (present).
Through these works the artist expresses her typical mode of escapism: Trees, clouds, and earthy terrains are common elements found in these works that are utilized (and heavily leaned on) to portray neutral or excited energy states. Vibrant and highly saturated colors act as the mood ring and help harmonize various moods throughout different moments in the paintings. For the artist, these worlds are chaotic and can be slightly stressful or uncertain, but offer space for one to enjoy its nature.
A significant shift naturally occurs when a new element is introduced: the trauma experienced through the sudden passing of a loved one. In the latter half of the series, the artist’s moods are less colorful or vibrant but are instead focused on a particularly darker state. The light source in these paintings (typically the sun) appears to be wounded, as it's drenched in red or black hues. The artist sees one landscape as a wound that bleeds over a watery night sky; another as a red sky screaming angrily over a dark mountain scape; a cold fire unwillingly burning alone in the dark; and a forest bleeding on its leaves. Although grief is an ugly beast, nature allows these periods of stress to progress as it needs to.
The mourning process causes an already emotionally irregular person to become more jaded and more neurotic. Without care, one can get lost in the dark, consuming fog. However, by documenting, studying, and discussing this experience with loved ones and peers—utilizing nature and painting as a tool to visualize and cope—grief can become more bearable, and other intense moods can be calmed so that a space for enjoyment can be found in these beautiful, uncertain worlds again.